What is Forgiveness?

Forgiveness is a (if not the) central theme in Christianity. The Atonement is a miraculous gift whereby God forgives all who are willing to receive it. Christians know the consequence of such graciousness, namely that he/she may abide in the presence of God for eternity. But we have also been commanded to forgive, being told that “if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their tresspasses, neither will your Father forgive your tresspasses” (Matt. 6:14-15; see also Matt. 18:23-35, Luke 6:37, Eph. 4:32, Col. 3:12-13).

What, then, does it mean for us to forgive one another? And what does it mean when we are unwilling to forgive? Many times we find it difficult to forgive someone of something we find particularly grievous. Murder, rape, kidnapping, molestation, and other highly barbaric acts may seem outright unforgivable. Even if we can forgive someone of the atrocities inflicted upon us directly, we often cannot bear to forgive someone of the pain they have brought upon our loved ones. Part of the problem may be a misconception that, by forgiving someone, we are retroactively permitting certain behavior. A parent may hesitate to forgive the man responsible for her child’s death, believing it would otherwise sanction his choice to climb behind the wheel while highly intoxicated. A woman may be unable to forgive her grandfather for years of molestation, believing such kindness would dishonestly suggest an absence of psychological and emotional repercussions and thereby promote his choices as inconsequential.

It seems a natural human impulse to demand justice. If someone has victimized us or someone we love, it seems only right that that person have a full realization of the pain he/she has caused. Excruciating guilt may be the only sufficient form of repayment, but this is often neither expected nor possible. As such, we demand the next best thing. We demand life imprisonment. We demand execution. Our hearts may even desire the same acts to be performed upon the predator, thereby bringing him/her to the most intimate understanding possible of the pain that he/she has caused.

But what is God’s plan for us? Through the Atonement, God has provided a way that our eternal well-being might not be impeded by human folly. In other words, our eternal happiness need not be encumbered by the poor choices we make, however disastrous and upsetting these actions may be. It does not seem to me that forgiveness, in the sense employed by God, has any bearing on the approval or disapproval of previous actions. In fact, it may not have anything to do with the sins directly, but rather how God approaches us as sinful beings. And how does He approach us? With love, with hope, and with a willingness to share all that He has, that we might have eternal joy and rest.

Does this help us on our path to forgiving one another? I think it can. Rather than focusing on the bad behavior of those we need to forgive, we can focus on our hope for them. We can sincerely hope and pray in our hearts that their imperfections will be done away with, and that they too can become someone glorious and loving, as we ourselves hope to become. It may be difficult to imagine feeling this way for a rapist, but this is because we envision the rapist instead of the end product. God’s plan is all about the end product—not letting the past destroy our eternal happiness. If we are willing to submit to God, our potential is perfect. He can make us spotless, and anyone who has been made spotless is a beautiful person. Looking at a spotless person, we would never wish to see him/her again become soiled. We would not wish to see God’s love removed from that person, or to see his/her sincere happiness stripped away because of past actions that no longer have any bearing on his/her character. I believe we can love our neighbors enough to desire this for them, regardless of their mistakes. I believe we can always prefer a spotless soul rejoicing in the presence of God to an eternally suffering and sad being. If you really prefer this, you will hope that your enemies will change. You will hope that they will be made new in Christ. You will hope that their potentials will not be eternally lost. You will act accordingly. This is forgiveness.

To desire someone’s eternal suffering is outright wicked. It stands in direct opposition to the love of Jesus Christ, and it is no wonder that we cannot receive Christ in our hearts while withholding forgiveness from others. To attempt to do so is hypocritical. If we desire someone’s eternal suffering, we are literally opposing God’s plan for His children and desiring that His plan will be thwarted, at least partially. “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved” (John 3:16-17).